Ask the Expert Sandi Esptein coaches clients on home life and work. She also coaches on business issues and has over 15 years experience in marketing and business management with an MBA from Columbia University. Ask her all your work and family balance questions. That guilty feeling Q: Dear Sandi, I am a full-time working mom with 2 kids, age 5 and 1. At times when I am too busy with work, I feel that I have neglected my family and do not spend enough time with them. Balancing a career with a young family is rather difficult. What should I do in order to not feel guilty? Thanking in advance for your advice. Sharon A: Dear Sharon, Not feeling guilty is the result of living in "integrity." Living in integrity is the act of making choices that fit with what you believe to be right based on your values. First, examine your values. What is important to you in raising a family - what values must you teach your children about family and home? Who do you want to be as a mother? ...And what is important to you in your work? Why do you work? Does your work reflect your values and does it satisfy your personal needs such as personal development or contributions to society? Second, live your values by translating them to actions. Now that you know what is important and what values you must express, define how you make them happen in your life. This is a creative process and requires thought about crafting actions that can satisfy seemingly conflicting objectives (e.g. I must be at every soccer game and I mustn't delegate important work to colleagues), but with creativity and conscious choice you can make it happen. Guilt is not a helpful feeling. It doesn't make anyone a better person it just makes them unhappy. However, guilt is helpful as warning sign to let us know when our lives may not be reflecting our values or when messages from outside of us are pressuring us against our best judgment. It is very important to act on ridding yourself of guilt by going to the source - your values. When you turn to your values you are less susceptible to the pressures from outside sources such as friends, relatives or media. Also see: • Ask Sandi a question • More information on coaching from Sandi