Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives. Overcoming Guilty Feelings Connie writes, "I am a single mother of 3 (ages 11, 9 & 6). I work full time for a legal consulting firm and I am a full time college student. Four years ago I divorced my husband and after 10 years of staying at home with my kids I was forced to go back to work full time. Since my standard of living dropped so much I realized the need to further my education. The problem now is I feel like I am missing my kids lives and I am very torn with guilt about all of the time spent at work and school. I am becoming more stressed as each day passes and I feel like I am starting to take it out on my kids. My two older girls will say things like 'Why can't you just stay home like you used too?.' This adds even more to my guilt. How am I supposed to find a balance when all of the things going on in my life right now are equally imperative to our future?" Answer: Dear Connie, What caught my attention in your email was your hard work ethic. Working full time, going to school full time and being a parent leaves little time or energy for anything else. No wonder you are feeling like you are missing your kids' lives. Their attitudes and comments are normal and reflect their love for you and their desire to spend more time with you and have things like they were before. Fact is, things are different and you cannot allow guilty feelings to manipulate you in undesirable ways. This type of guilt is unhealthy. Seems you also have a number of priorities that are at conflict with one another. I encourage you to go back to your values because they are at the core of who you are. Use them to determine what is truly most important to you right now. Begin making the present perfect before you experience serious burnout and suffer physical, mental and emotional breakdowns. I also want to respond to the word you chose to describe going back to work -- "I was FORCED to go back to work full time." Feeling 'forced' puts you in a victim mode. By exploring alternatives and making choices you will be in a position of feeling powerful and in control of your life. In other words, based on your circumstances, desires and needs you chose to return to work and chose a job at a legal consulting firm. In order to have more options in the future, you chose to return to school. The difference may seem subtle, but it's a huge shift in perspective. With your standard of living dropping you may be hanging on to material things that are causing you to feel forced to make decisions that really don't serve what you value most. Spend some quiet time and reflect on what is truly most important to you right now. Begin to make choices that honor those priorities and practice self care to keep your energy level and spirits up. And remember, self sacrifice is brutal and will lead to resentment and anger to those you love. I'd like to share one of my favorite quotes with you from George Bernard Shaw..."If you begin by sacrificing yourself to those you love, you will end up hating those to whom you have sacrificed yourself. Self sacrifice is suicide." Also see: • Ask Natalie a question • More Q&A • If you're interested in work/life coaching, you can reach Natalie at (908) 281-7098 or via email