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Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives.
Deciding to Have Children or NotJane writes, "I have been very successful in my career. I'm 2 positions from the top in a multi-national company and doing extremely well. I have never sensed a call to action to have children yet I find myself at a crossroad. My doctor is giving me the choice of preparing myself to have a child or having a hysterectomy due to pre-cancerous endometrial hyperplasia. At 37, I wonder whether I should force myself to do it now even though I don't feel the "calling" or the need to have children to fulfill my life. I have a partner who is willing to be a stay at home Dad yet he is not yearning to have children either. How do I sort this out with little time to make a decision? My partner and I have been together for 9 years and are happy but we have never been committed to the idea of having children."Answer: First off, I'm sorry to hear about your medical problem. The answer to your question can be very simple and straight-forward. If you've never had a desire to have children, there's no valid reason why you should. The decision to have children should never be taken lightly or 'forced' as you indicated in your letter. Having children is a life-long commitment. I sense your issue is based mostly on fear. If you go ahead and have the hysterectomy, you are thereby choosing to never have children. That seems so final! You really must think deeply about whether or not you want children. Sometimes, human nature is that we want what we can't have. Perhaps, you should also take some time to explore adoption so that you know if that will work for you if you should happen to change your mind about starting a family at a later time. This issue is a personal decision and much bigger than a work-life dilemma. Speak with your doctor and be sure you understand all risks to carrying a pregnancy full-term and the probability of delivering a healthy baby. Gather as many facts as you can so that you can make a well informed decision. Get real quiet (mediate or practice another form of getting in touch with your inner wisdom) and trust the answers that come to you. You have the ability and power to make the best decision to you without regrets.
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