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Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives.
Child Wants to Stay with SitterJennifer writes, "Our 1-year-old cries for the baby sitter when I pick her up after work. The sitter hands me my daughter and then my daughter seems to wanna stay with the sitter. This is very sad for me what is the reason she does this? "Answer: I suspect that your daughter is simply having a hard time with the transition because she is experiencing normal separation anxieties. As part of this developmental stage she is learning to understand how people and objects disappear and reappear. She may also be experiencing anger and exhibiting it through her withdrawal of you. Fortunately, you seem to have an excellent babysitter. Your daughter has learned to bond with her and has attached herself to her because she's meeting her needs for safety and security while in her care. Although it's personally hard for your to deal with the feelings of rejection, realize that you are fortunate that she is comfortable with your babysitter. Your babysitter will never replace you! The fact that your daughter has grown attached to your babysitter is a good sign that the babysitter is taking good care of her in your absence. You can create regular routines for drop-off and pick-up to help ease the difficult transition time. For instance, arrive about 15 minutes early in the morning so that you and the babysitter can sit with her and play on the floor or sing a song until you need to leave for work. Don't linger too long, otherwise, your daughter will begin clinging to you and you'll have the same problem in reverse first thing every morning. Then, when you return to pick-up your daughter, again stay about 15 minutes and let the sitter share the events of the day as you gently begin renewing your relationship with your daughter. Avoid talking about your daughter's transition or other possibly 'heavy' topics and keep this period light and stress-free. Rest assured that things will become normal in a few months after you establish some regular routines for the transition period and the intensity of the separation issue subsides. Best wishes, Coach Natalie
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