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Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives.
Mother and Baby BondAndrea writes, "I work full time and sometimes I feel as if my 4-month old doesn't know me, is it true they do know you from smell and voice?"Answer: I understand your concerns about your 4-month old not knowing you. Do not panic, though, your baby still loves you and needs you! Infants attach themselves strongly to their mother from birth. During the last few months of pregnancy, your baby has learned to recognize your voice. When babies are first born they are totally reliant upon their parents for care and security. As they grow, they become more independent and bond with their caregivers, as well. Oddly, enough your baby does know who you are although others are caring for her full-time. Babies can become emotionally attached to several individuals. They look for consistent emotional contact so that they feel safe and secure. Part of what you are feeling may be tied up with feelings of guilt about having to go to work each day. Rest assured, many mothers have to work either because they have career commitments, for financial reasons, or for their own sanity. Your baby is growing and learning to get support from other individuals besides you. She is learning to be more independent. If you have selected a good childcare provider who is tending to your baby's needs, she is simply learning to bond with this individual. The relationship between the caregiver and your baby must offer her the safety and security she feels from you so that she can continue developing. Use your time away form your child to reinforce your skills as a 'whole person' and have confidence that the unique bond that already exists between you and your baby will see you both through this time. Be sure to bond with her when you are available and create a high-quality loving and nurturning relationship. While there's no practical way for you to make up for the time you're spending away from your baby, it's important that you find a happy medium. Make sure that whenever you're with your baby, you're with her 100 percent. Avoid the phone, the computer, the newspapers, or the TV, if possible. You can do all those things after she goes to sleep or before she wakes up. You may also choose to explore some different scheduling options at work: getting into work an hour or two early might give you and your baby a few relaxed hours together later in the day.
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