 |
|
Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives.
PrioritiesJudith writes, "Natalie, I heard you on Mom Talk Radio and thought you gave good advice on priorities. However, I seem to have too many conflicting priorities. On one hand, I'm very ambitious about moving up the ladder at work, which takes dedication and sometimes long hours/late nights. But I also feel I need to spend more time with my three year old son and my husband. How can I make the two of these co-exist? I sometimes think that work takes to much out of me and I feel drained by the time I come home."Answer: Many working parents experience the same conflict that you describe in your note. One of the biggest problems working mothers face today is how to balance their time and attention between their dual roles of having a fulfilling career and being a mommy. Working mothers often feel torn in two and suffer high levels of guilt and stress. As you described, on the one hand, you want to have career and growth opportunities and on the other, you want to be there to nurture and care for your family. As you know, there is no simple solution. Right now it appears (by the way you are living your life) that work is your highest priority because you are trying to squeeze everything else in around work. If this statement makes you squirm in your seat and perhaps get angry, than, I'd suspect that you're out of alignment with your values. If this statement rings true, than stop feeling guilty for dedicating your time and committing to your career. In my coaching practice, I often help clients set and maintain their priorities. There are many ways I help someone organize and prioritize their goals and to create lists, however one of the most effective ways is to let your vision and values do this for you. So, start with your vision and get real clear about what you want. Then, discover or re-validate your values. Your values are what you prize most about yourself, your environment or your life. Identify the top 3-4 values that are your primary values. When your values are clear, your priorities will set themselves. You can re-design your life around your core values. You may need to make a choice about your career if you want to put your family first. Your career opportunities may be limited during that time. You may also need to consider switching to a more family-friendly company if your employer doesn't offer you the flexibility you need to succeed in your dual roles. If you want to continue on your advancement path to an executive position, you may need to leave your personal life in the dust for awhile. Bottom line, if you get clear on your priorities and be realistic in what you can and cannot do you will minimize the feelings of inadequacy, guilt and frustration. When establishing your priorities and creating the right balance for you between work, your family and your personal needs, choose the activities you participate in with care. If you really want more time with your son and your husband, you may have to be more selective in choosing which office social activities you participate in and which projects you commit to taking on. Avoid taking on every project that comes your way fearing you'd look bad if you said no. Instead, use your judgement to determine which projects will help you achieve your goals at work and commit to the work strategically. Treasure your non-working time and eliminate over-committing to school and community activities that may take you away from the time you want to be spending with your family. Beware of career moves that may require excessive travel, overtime or weekend work and minimize the overtime to what's necessary rather than making it a habit and expectation. And, in the mix of optimizing balance, do not neglect the need to find time for yourself. Leisure time for yourself allows you the opportunity to rejuvenate and gives you strength to continue. The bottom line key to success for effectively integrating your work with the rest of your life is to clarify what's important, recognize and support yourself as a whole person, and continually experiment with new ways to find what works best for you and your personal and professional life. Hope this helps! Yours, Coach Natalie
Also see:
|
|
|