Ask the Expert: Finding Balance Natalie Gahrmann is a success coach and owner of N-R-G Coaching Associates, a private coaching company that specializes in helping working parents achieve mastery of work and life. Her clients experience more clarity, direction and alignment while reducing stress in their busy lives. Hiring a Sitter Lydia writes, "Is there a formal form of questions one can ask a sitters previous employer. Please help me. I want to make sure I cover every nook and cranny before hiring a sitter." Answer: The decision to hire a sitter is difficult. You can alleviate some of the worry and stress by thoroughly checking their background. Past performance is usually the best indicator of future performance. It's important to know that your children are in competent caring hands and that they are safe. The bottom line is that the sitter you choose needs to be responsible, patient, and level-headed. These qualities can be verified during a reference check if you ask specific questions and dig for answers and examples rather than general questions like "Was she ok?", and answers like, "she was fine." When talking with a previous employer about a potential sitter find out what you need to know to feel comfortable. For example: Did the sitter arrive on time? Has the sitter ever failed to come? Why? Did the sitter give you ample notice? How did the sitter handle stressful situations? Discipline? Crying? How do the children feel about the sitter? Do they look forward to the sitter's arrival? Were there any incidents of poor treatment or bad judgment? Was there anything regarding the reason the sitter left their employment that had to do with the sitter's performance? What kinds of activities did the sitter do with the children? How was the sitter's health? Were there any issues that you should be aware of while you're considering their sitter for your own kids? These types of questions will help you make an informed choice about how reliable and responsible your potential sitter may be. If there's something you feel you need to know, go ahead and ask. However, questions regarding medical history are generally deemed illegal by the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1994. Although you can't legally ask probing questions about the sitter's medical history, you can verify that the potential sitter is physically able to perform your job duties with reasonable accommodations. Be aware that phony references are sometimes given. Get the identification of the sitter to establish her identity and legal eligibility to work in your country. A criminal background check and Social Security number verification will provide you with important information regarding her previous residences and any criminal convictions. When screening references of a potential sitter, discuss and verify their: Dates of employment Reason for separation Length of notice for resignation Eligibility for rehire Dependability Communication skills Interactions and relationships with family and children Crisis management capabilities Coping skills Temperament and personality traits Work ethics and moral integrity Professional conduct Leadership qualities Creativity Self-motivation Known complaints or disciplinary action Philosophy and style of discipline Strongest and weakest skills and characteristics Starting and ending salary and, if they would recommend them for employment for your aged children If you don't want the arduous task of checking personal background and verifying employment history, you can hire an independent company to conduct background screenings and job reference checks. They can check driving records, social security, property records, credit reports, employment and education, criminal records, and perform drug testing. Create a list of your own questions for the prospective sitter, too. This list will be an invaluable resource as you conduct your childcare search. Ask some of the questions below and probe deeper, when necessary to save yourself from hiring the wrong person. Why does she wish to watch children? Why is she looking for a new job? What is her childcare experiences? How long has she watched other people's children? How old were the children she cared for? What is her child-rearing philosophy? Discipline philospohy? How does she comfort a distraught or upset child? Ask about rules she's had to follow in other households that she felt worked well. Which ones didn't work and why? Describe the job requirements and ask if it sounds like something she can handle. Have her describe her ideal family/childcare situation. Ask about her hobbies and interests. Find out if there is anything that she's contemplating or planning in your future that could change her schedule? (This could include marriage, pregnancy, returning to school, moving, vacations, etc.) How many days in the past year was she absent from work -- including vacations, holidays, employer and employee personal days. (This number should be verified with her previous employer). Request the actual starting and ending dates for previous employment. Find out the reasons why she left all previous employers and verify this information with the employer(s). Be careful about who you accept for personal references. Ensure these people know the applicant well, but have no ulterior motive for wanting the applicant to have employment with you such as personal, social or financial gains. Find out if the reference is, or has ever been related to the applicant. Have her provide a copy of her transcripts from school and use them to verify her education and attendance record at school. Has she had any formal early childhood development or childcare training? Make sure she has reliable transportation is she is coming to your home to watch the children. Will she be providing her own transportation or relying on someone else to get to and from work. Will transportation be available during her work hours? Find out if she has any allergies that may prevent her from coming into your home. Ask her if any child has ever needed medical attention while in her care? If so, how did she handle it? Does she have first aid and CPR training? Discuss your expectations for care of sick children. Will she still be willing to care for your child when he is sick? If she is caring for her own children or others, what is her contingency plan to handle sick children? How will she insure that sicknesses don't spread between children? Discuss the length of time you need childcare without making a commitment to this caregiver for any specific length of time. If you're looking for someone short-term to cover 3 months, state that clearly. However, if you are seeking childcare for the next 3 years state so clearly. Be very careful not to say anything that can be misconstrued to be an employment contract or promise of employment for a certain length of time. Inquire about criminal convictions. If this is a 'yes' you will want to probe deeper to determine what it was for and whether it will have an effect on your decision. Ask about smoking habits. Does she smoke? Does she live with a smoker? Will a smoker ever transport her to work? Clearly state your rules about smoking around your children and in your home. What hours is she available to work? Is she available in the evening or weekends? Is she willing and able to travel with your family? What is her required salary range? Overall, take your time selecting the right person to care for your children. This is a very important task. Good luck! Coach Natalie Also see: • Ask Natalie a question • More Q&A • If you're interested in work/life coaching, you can reach Natalie at (908) 281-7098 or via email