Why Women Don't Help Other Working Women By Sarah Banda Purvis, Ph.D. View message boards and visit chat rooms targeted to working women and invariably you will come across postings related to the puzzling phenomenon of women not helping other women in the workplace. Numerous females appear not only perplexed but also appalled by this reality. After all, most working women have experienced their share of professional obstacles or setbacks, and you would think they would have empathy for others around them. Instead, women seem to be comparing notes about the backstabbing, manipulative and unprofessional behavior they encounter at the office when interacting with female colleagues. Why don't many working women help other working women? A key reason for this lack of bonding might be the nature of the setting in which a majority of women are employed -- the male-centric business world. Most women tend to be insecure about their role or status in the male-dominated workplace and understandably so. Their initial observations upon entering typical business settings cannot help but focus on the dearth of women in influential positions. Given the few number of females in leadership roles, a "survival of the fittest" mentality seems to emerge for a working woman with any degree of career aspirations. A basic element of this survivalist approach appears to involve abandonment of the nurturing qualities many females inherently possess and conformity to the more calculated, competitive behavioral model commonly endorsed by businessmen. In addition, women historically have been socially conditioned to please or to be accepted by men who supposedly will take care of them. Few women have been encouraged to bond or align with other females, who traditionally, as a gender, have possessed less influence and income potential. Extrapolating from the social world, multitudes of females in the workplace rather instinctively seem to seek a level of acceptance from and vie for the attention of men in power. Although a few working women may be fortunate to occasionally come into contact with supportive female colleagues, most cannot assume they will enjoy much professional camaraderie with a majority of the women they encounter on the job. Women need to be aware of this work world reality and individually determine how to deal with it. Cutting through workplace myths and misconceptions may be a good first step for better assessing and handling such situations. The illusions perpetuated by these myths seem to be distinctively different from observations in office settings. For example, the notion of female executives bringing their own styles to management is a common workplace myth. In actuality, it appears women who break into higher-level management positions, in their efforts to be accepted by male colleagues, tend to pattern their behaviors after the businessmen around them. Why do these women mimic male colleagues when they have the opportunity to bring their own distinct qualities to the managerial realm? Possibly because the power base of these female executives often is so tentative they sense this is not the time to demonstrate independence and originality. Unfortunately, when most professional women adopt male managerial styles, it seems they do not temper such conduct to blend with their own personalities. Rather, they tend to exaggerate male behavior just to squelch any doubts they are not strong enough to lead. The outcome of all this is many female managers can be more egocentric, more condescending and more tyrannical with subordinates than most of their male counterparts. Also see: • Dealing with difficult people in the workplace • Ask the career coach Portions of the above have been excerpted from "The Illusion of Inclusion, Myths & Misconceptions Every Working Woman Needs to Know" (picture is right). Additional excerpts are available at http://www.insiderviews.com. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Sarah Banda Purvis' credentials include two decades of managerial experience with two different Fortune 500 companies headquartered in the United States. When Dr. Purvis reflects upon her 20-year work experience in Corporate America, she describes it as an enlightening journey. Her corporate sojourn permitted her to examine workplace settings on a firsthand basis as well as to observe, listen to and note the experiences of other working women. The author has been recognized for her professional abilities and contributions to the business world. While working in Corporate America, Dr. Purvis also completed her doctoral research, which focused on the interaction of individuals in a conflict setting. Dr. Purvis can be contacted through e-mail at mail2sbp@aol.com. She is a frequent guest on online forums. Her Web site, Insider Views on Workplace Issues, is at http://www.insiderviews.com