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Scheduling and Time Management
Answer: Having family to help care for your children is a working mother's dream. What better caregivers for your precious little ones than their own grandparents! No worries about comfort level with the kids, safety, or a commitment on the part of the caregiver to nurture and enjoy your children while in their care. In fact, it is not unusual to find grandparents across the country providing daycare to help their own children handle the financial burdens of today's society. Now stop and remember the old saying, if it sounds to good to be true, it usually is. Prior to entering into a ongoing day care set-up with your in-laws, lay the ground work for all of you to attain a level playing field where everyone's expectations are clear.
First, look inward to find the source of your concern about intruding. Do you feel guilty for needing help, regardless of the source? Are you worried that your in-laws might not approve of your choices and taking them up on their offer is the ultimate defeat? Or are you concerned about how your in-laws behave when they are with your kids? Do they interact positively, discipline in a complimentary style to your own, redirect their behavior favorably, or quite simply just offer that safe have of grandparent love where its easy and relaxed? Consider how you handle disagreement with your in-laws and how comfortable you are holding your tongue to keep the peace. Does your husband usually act as the main source of communication or are you equally in touch? This will give you a temperature on where your hot buttons might lie and how prepared you are to have an ongoing commitment of this kind.
Next, ask your in-laws what they envision this relationship to look like. Make it clear that you are grateful for the offer to assist you and your husband and you want to respect their boundaries. In doing so, state your objectives, such as "On Tuesday and Thursday every week, I need an ongoing daycare arrangement for the kids from 3:00 to 5:00. I'd like them to be picked up at the bus stop, come home to have a snack and unwind for 30 minutes, and then they have homework time. After they finish homework, they can do whatever they like with your guidance. Because of our busy schedule through the week, John and I want to maintain a consistent afternoon routine. How do you feel about this?" You might be surprised to learn that they would love this schedule with the kids because in guarantees their time together to enjoy their grandchildren and be a part of their learning experience. On the flip side, their offer to help may have an undercurrent of principle that although they would prefer you not work, they would also prefer the kids not go to daycare. Given that, they may have no desire to maintain structure and you will need to be more flexible in exchange for their help.
Chances are you've got a great relationship that won't experience any strain at all from this minimal assistance arrangement. Protecting the healthy nature of this special relationship with local grandparents is key. So take the time to consider your own feelings while communicating very clearly with your in-laws about theirs, and you are sure to come out ahead. As this arrangement evolves, be sure to pay attention to the little things, checking in to see how everyone is doing once they are in the groove. The extended family is a dying breed with the transient nature of our society. Work hard to strike a balance for everyone involved so you can all benefit from this unique opportunity.
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