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Diary of a BlueSuitMom: Reflections on Motherhoodby Maria Bailey The other night my husband and I had one of those rare, sit-down dinners alone and even complete with after dinner conversation. As we reflected on how quickly the summer has rolled by, we began planning for the upcoming school year. It's unbelievable that we have two first graders and a kindergartener. This week they began dressing in uniforms and carrying backpacks. Where did seven years go? It seems like yesterday that we were measuring Pergonal into a syringe and planning to adopt a baby when our infertility treatments once again failed. Now four children later, we are assembling three ring binders, #2 pencils and black lace shoes. My husband is so excited. For me it brings about a flood of feelings somewhat remote from his excitement. The thought of my oldest children starting grade school brings about a bit of sadness tossed together with some frustrations. The sadness isn't credited to the normal sadness a mother feels when she realizes her babies are growing up. No mine is more related to all the things I wanted to do with the last seven years but just didn't find the time. I think I've been a good mother, in fact, I think I'd give myself an A- in combining good parenting with a demanding and high level career. However, I'm not the mother I intended to be when I began thinking about motherhood. I thought I'd be one of those moms who would sit for hours playing with flash cards and practicing spelling with my toddlers. I intended to do it, but never got around to it. I thought I'd do arts and crafts projects with my kids every Saturday morning before heading out for a family field trip. I intended to do so, but trips to Target and Costco got in the way. I thought I'd come home from work every night and let the children help me prepare dinner and set the table. I intended to do so, but business trips to Denver kept me from home frequently. Now, don't get me wrong, there's plenty of other things I did get around to doing. Perhaps, in reflection, I set my goals before I experienced reality. I never expected to have three babies in less than 20 months nor did I expect to be a Vice President with a Fortune 100 company logging 100,000 air miles in one year. These were all unexpected, but pleasant surprises. I could barely feed three babies their bottles with the arms and legs I have not to mention stimulate them with color coded shapes or play Mozart music while pointing to picture cards. The fact remains that I wanted to do things that I thought at the time would make my children better adults. So as I'm sure any working mother does from time to time, I reflect on whether my decision to work and be a mother was the best for my children. Has it in some way impacted my children in a less then positive manner? For seven years they have watched me skim the Wall Street Journal, pack my briefcase, peck away at my keyboard and return phone calls in the car. They haven't always known what I do for a job but they get close. First, it was counting cars and now it's working on the Internet. If you ask my children about mommy's work, they will tell you that it "takes longer than daddy's job." They also know I love to work and gain a great deal of pleasure out of it. There's been no time for flash cards in the last seven years, but each of my children has a long list of their favorite Web sites and can navigate a keyboard like a teenager. I intended to organize more playgroups, but instead my children know where every city I've ever traveled to is located on a map. We haven't made as many trips to the library as I would have preferred, but they can tell you the definition of hard work. Taking the time to stop and reflect is a good thing. It makes you evaluate where you've been and where you're going. It let's you analysis yesterday and plan for tomorrow. So where I am now? I'm the mom of two first graders and a kindergartener who has done her best for the last seven years. I've worked hard both at home and in the office. As I send my children into the classroom, I am confident about one thing. I know they too will work hard. How? Because through my career, they have seen firsthand how hard work and dedication results in happiness. And that the harder you try, the more you practice and the more committed you are to your dreams, the happier you will always be. Sometimes the best lessons in life aren't really the ones learned from flash cards but learned by living.
Also see: Email me your comments at maria@bluesuitmom.com. Or you can share your working mom stories with other moms on our message boards.
Maria Bailey is the mother of four children and the CEO and founder of BlueSuitMom.com
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