Ready for Potty Training

Answer: In my estimation, your daughter is ready is to talk about "pottying" but is not ready to be potty trained. Think of "pottying" as a learning experience rather than a training experience. The change from diapers to toilets is truly one of the landmarks of early childhood that culminates with the child’s understanding of her own body and the desire to govern her own body! My favorite potty book is "Everyone Poops" by Taro Gomi because the book genuinely engages children and is more about the biology of bodies than it is an agenda of getting kids to poop in a bathroom. All children learn to use toilets. All children have a desire to grow up. All children enjoy taking control of themselves and their bodies. The role of adults is to set the stage, watch for the right signals, and give the appropriate support and encouragement when necessary.

You have already begun to set the stage by letting your daughter accompany you to the bathroom and by talking about the meaning of wet diapers. Now is the time to choose the words you want to use for “pee” and “poop,” keeping in mind that these will be the words used with preschool teachers and relatives who care for your daughter. Language is one of many readiness factors needed for your daughter to be able to use the potty independently. She needs to be able to communicate her needs and desires as well as follow verbal directions.

A second readiness condition is emotional motivation. Potty learning is rarely successful when a child is in that intense oppositional stage often described as the terrible two’s that occurs any time between 18 months and 3 1/2 years old. Now is a great time in your daughter’s life to make friends with the potty. Place her potty chair in the bathroom. Let her sit on it with or without her clothes on until she feels safe and secure. Soon she will start imitating grown-up behavior as her interest in learning a new skill grows. The cognitive piece of the puzzle is in place when she understands the how and why others use the bathroom and she tunes into the messages of her own body (how it feels before she pees and what are her options). Parents can contribute to this understanding by letting children sit on the potty at optimal times; if they wake up dry after a nap, before a bath, a short while after drinking. Just as we tune children into the natural world of sounds and sights around them, we can tune them into the natural workings of their bodies and their feelings.

The last, and certainly not least, readiness component is the physical control of the muscles. Parental timing and children’s interest cannot rush this component. Everyone must wait until there are longer intervals of dry diapers. In my opinion, potty learning is not carrying a potty chair in the back of a mini-van and "catching pee." It requires the ability to hold it in for a short but reasonable time to get to a bathroom (unless you are outdoors and far from facilities). This is the time to introduce really cool underpants. Children see that wearing underpants are a natural consequence of staying dry, not a bribe or a threat. Then one day, almost by magic, there will be a click when all of the readiness components line up in celestial harmony and your child gets it! I guarantee it! Be warned – life after diapers inappropriately ruled by where the bathrooms are! Prepare to have a new intimate knowledge of each bathroom in every mall and restaurant.

Click here for more information about potty training

Good Luck,
Karen Deerwester, Ed.S.