Fostering friendship bonds between siblings important By Debbie Glasser Schenck Q. My 8-year-old daughter is getting annoyed with the very presence of her 3-year-old brother. He tries to join in her play dates. He goes through her toys and books and follows her everywhere. I want her to have her space. But, I also want her to be close with her brother and I don't want him to feel so rejected by her. Any suggestions? A. Sibling relationships may be some of the most important and special bonds that individuals develop. Of course, any relationship that spans the course of a lifetime will have its ups and downs! During the early childhood years, siblings may find more to fight about than agree upon. And most young children do not fully appreciate the value of having a special sibling to grow with and share family experiences together. It may be helpful to acknowledge your daughter's feelings by letting her know that you understand how frustrating it is when Joshua gets into her things. You can also remind her that Joshua really loves her, and one way that he shows this is by wanting to do the same things she does. Still, your daughter is entitled to some personal space. Perhaps she would consider putting her special things on higher shelves that her brother does not have access to, and she could designate some things as "community property" for sharing. Also you are encouraged to attend to your son's feelings. Although he may not be articulate his feelings the way your daughter does, he may be feeling rejected by her if a door is constantly being closed in front of him or he is being ignored. You might say, "It seems like you feel sad when Kimberly wants special time with her friends and you are not included. Let's find something else to do now and Kimberly will join us for dinner when her play date is over." Also, it may be helpful to arrange play dates for your younger child as well so that he can begin to develop his own special relationships outside the family. While all children are entitled to special time with peers and opportunities to pursue experiences independent of their siblings, it is important that you create shared sibling activities as well. It can be challenging to find activities that appeal to children of different ages and interests. However, even young children can participate with assistance in family events such as playing board games, cooking or creating an art project. The activities do not need to be elaborate. Simply taking a family walk outside or listening to music together can provide a wonderful time for family members to enjoy and appreciate on another. While it is unlikely that a family walk will prompt your daughter to develop a whole new appreciation of her little brother, the various family moments that you create now will contribute to a greater feeling of connection and closeness as they grow. Often, despite your best efforts, siblings will be in conflict with each other. They will grow tired of each other at times and feelings will be hurt. While this can be challenging for families, it is helpful to remember that it is through these issues that siblings learn many important lessons about sharing, empathy, cooperation, communication, negotiation, and compromise. Teach your children how to problem-solve, express their feelings and get along with each other. Even a preschool-age child can be taught to say, "I feel sad when I can't play with you." There will be times when your children can manage their differences with minimal involvement from you and there will be times when they will need your direct intervention to promote more peaceful sibling relations. It is important to be patient and maintain realistic expectations of your children. When shared family experiences are created, appropriate guidance is provided and children participate in working out their differences, they learn important skills that help them get along with others throughout their lives. Additionally, they can grow to develop a greater appreciation for each other as siblings and one day as friends. Debbie Glasser Schenck, Ph.D., is the director of Fanily Support Services at Nova Southeastern University.