Set aside one on one time for siblings of special needs child By Debbie Glasser Schenck Because a child with special needs typically requires special accommodations and attention from his parents, it is not unusual to observe feelings of jealousy, sadness and resentment among siblings. "When a family learns that one of its members has special needs, they may experience a period of mourning and readjustment," said Roni Leiderman, associate dean and director of the Baudhuin Oral School at Nova Southeastern University. Sometimes a sibling's response to all the changes in the family are easy to identify. He may verbalize that he feels angry. He may tell you it is not fair that you spend more time with his sibling. However, children may feel guilty for having these strong feelings toward a sibling with special needs. They may display less obvious cues to indicate they are experiencing difficulty adjusting. Leiderman urges parents to "Pay close attention to the subtle as well as the more overt, cues. Observe changes in their eating patterns, school work and general demeanor." Communicate to your other children that their feelings are OK. Be sure to set aside special time for your other children so they will have time alone with you. A nightly game or story, a special video night or a weekly outing can provide wonderful opportunities for you to share and activity together. Also, Leiderman says, "There are many things parents can do, therapeutically that can include a sibling." For example, she suggests that a sibling of a child with special needs might want to take part in the home therapy program. Include your older son in the play-based therapies for your younger child. Let your older child choose the puzzle, book or game. This will help him a sense of control and responsibility. Talk to your older son and determine whether this is something he would like to participate in. Sometimes siblings of children with special needs misbehave in an attempt to gain parents' attention. Other children become overly compliant and excessively helpful in an effort to eliminate some of the stress in the family. They may have concerns that their peers will avoid them because their family seems different from others. They may worry that their siblings' disability is contagious. Maintain open honest communication with your son. Encourage him to ask questions and gain a greater understanding of the needs of his brother. Provide opportunities for him to express his feelings. Also, ensure that your older child has adequate opportunities to develop his own interests and identify separate from being the sibling of a child with special needs. Support groups for siblings can provide an opportunity to meet with other children who share similar feelings and experiences. Also, family counseling or individual counseling can provide an outlet for you and your older child to express feelings and identify coping strategies. Leiderman reminds parents that, "While there are a number of challenges that families of special needs children experience, there are also many life lessons to be learned." With appropriate attention, encouragement, and support, all the members of your family can gradually adjust to the changes you have experienced, and can learn important lessons about respect, understanding, patience and compassion. Debbie Glasser Schenck, Ph.D., is the director of Fanily Support Services at Nova Southeastern University.