Talking back normal part of development By Debbie Glasser Schenck When children talk back and use angry words like "I hate you" with parents, it can be quite unsettling. However, it is important to remember that during the early preschool years, children's language skills are rapidly growing and they begin to recognize the impact of their own words. When words elicit a strong response from others, this can be a powerful experience for a young child. Also, while young children are able to experience a wide range of emotions, they do not typically have the advanced language skills to fully express their feelings verbally. Back talk, at this age, may be your child's attempt to verbalize some of the very powerful feelings that she is experiencing. When your daughter is experiencing strong emotions, there are things you can do to help her express herself and her feelings in more appropriate ways. For example, when she is frustrated because it is time to leave the playground, you can first prepare her before it is time to leave. Let her now that, "After 10 more swings, we will be leaving the playground." Then, if she experiences an outburst that includes talking back, you can calmly respond, "I know you're upset that its time to leave because you were having so much fun. It's OK to feel angry with me, but not to use those words." As challenging as it may be, it is important to remain calm during these times. Maintaining this sense of calm will help defuse the situation, help your child regain her composure and minimize the power of angry words. Young children have not mastered the subtle nuances of language. "I hate you" to a 4-year-old, may actually mean, "I was having fun and I didn't want to stop playing." Do not take her words personally. Her outbursts are likely the result of feeling overwhelmed by a situation and being unable to fully express her feelings. Set an example for your daughter in your daily life. One of the ways that she will learn how to appropriately express a wide range of emotions is by watching you. You have plenty of everyday opportunities to model verbal expression of feelings and other effective coping strategies. For example, if another driver takes a parking space that you were waiting for, you can share with your daughter, "I feel upset that the other person took that space because I thought I would get it. Let's go look for another one." If your child is experiencing difficulties on a regular basis, appears sad, angry or withdrawn, and is frequently talking back to parents and peers, consult your pediatrician or a child psychologist. Be patient. Learning to express a wide range of emotions and express feelings appropriately are lessons that begin in early childhood and continue over a lifetime. Debbie Glasser Schenck, Ph.D., is the director of Fanily Support Services at Nova Southeastern University.