My Mom Makes More Money Than My Dad
by Paul Mauchline
Does this phrase sound familiar? Other phrases come to mind, such as, "My Mom is President of a big company and makes lots of money," or, "My Mom is a doctor. Sometimes she gets mad at my Dad because he stays home and watches T.V." I am sure you have heard such phrases, either from your own children or from others. Children generally say it the way it is, with total honesty. Children love their parents; they love to brag to their friends about their parents' jobs, accomplishments, and, today more than ever before, income size. At a very early age, our children are becoming very competitive, and it is not about their own academic or athletic achievements. On the contrary, it is about your success: your income, the size of your house, the type of car you drive, the kind of family vacation you can afford to take and much more.
I have spent a lot of time watching children interact and, more importantly, listening to their conversations. The times have certainly changed since I was a child. In my generation we played games and sports, and our major concern was choosing which Saturday afternoon matinee we would attend. Money was never really an issue, nor was the income of one's parents. Now and then, especially amongst my male friends -- for boys will be boys -- we would find ourselves bragging about our Dad's job, career, or athletic abilities. I am sure the same occurred among the young girls in my neighborhood. Some things have not changed since then: in a child's eyes, their parents are icons, gods, who can do no wrong in their young eyes.
I guess I have to question: how do children know the size of their parents' incomes? How do they know that Mom makes more money than Dad? How do they get this information to pass along to all their friends - that is then passed on to their friends' friends, families and whomever. It comes from us. In many cases, unknowingly, we are feeding our children's young egos. We are giving them the ammunition for that competitive dialogue they have with their friends in the schoolyard or neighborhood park.
Today, I live in a small community, completely surrounded by water. You do not get much smaller than an island in the Caribbean. Sometimes, I have likened my community to "one very long string with a lot of tin cans attached to it": information is spread quickly to those who wish to listen. I learned about this "string and tin can principle" many years before moving to Providenciales. This principle applies no matter where you live. People love to gossip, and that includes our children. I prefer "exchange of information" to the word gossip. Call it whatever you wish. In any case, our children innocently talk about us in detail. Our children pick up our daily words and actions. Then, like a camcorder, they replay them for others. There is a big exchange of sensitive personal information about ourselves going on. Often we have, unknowingly, fed this information to our children.
As parents today we have to be more aware of our words and actions around our children. Dinner table topics should not include confidential, personal matters such as family finances, income levels, job politics, relationship issues, or gossip about the neighbors. If you are paying the monthly bills at the kitchen table while your children do their homework, you should refrain from having arguments or expressing stress or concern in front of them -- this is something their young ears do not need to hear. Such discussions between couples need to be held when children are asleep. Remember bedroom walls are thin, so go to a place in your home where you are guaranteed complete privacy. Better yet, go for a walk together in the evening to discuss the daily issues that your children should not hear.
Of course, there is no way we can completely prevent our children from hearing or witnessing issues that should not concern them. I just encourage parents today to be more aware of their thoughts, words, and actions around their children. We set the example: we are their role models until they mature to the point of making their own life choices. Showing our love for one another is the best example we can give to our children today. Income, cars, and the size of our houses are not the most important things in life. Loving our children, instilling good values and beliefs, feeding them knowledge, and having fun with them is what life is all about today.
Also see: Fast Track Blues: Overcoming Resentment at Home
Paul Mauchline is a researcher, writer, and speaker on loving relationships. As the director of The Art of Loving Institute he teaches a workshop on the Providenciales, Turks & Caicos Island. The Art of Loving™ workshop offers the knowledge you seek to elevate yourself and your relationships to a higher level of understanding and success, visit his Web site at http://www.artofloving.com
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