Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Dealing with Ex-Spouses Involvement with Family Question: I have 3 children and have been divorced for 3 years. The divorce was not civil but was mediated and kept private. My ex-husband continues to socialize extensively with my family which causes me a great deal of pain. My parents are very judgmental about my divorce which was my choice. They continue to see the ex as a victim. Counselors suggested that this behavior would abate after a couple of years but it has not. The behavior puts an awkwardness into my relationship with my family. For example, for the holidays, he will invite my family to his home. I am having a hard time accepting this behavior and generally avoid my family now. Where do I go from here? Carol Answer: I am appalled by your family's stance and behavior. It is always hard for me to believe the things some parents do to children they claim to love. I don't know your reasons for divorcing, but I assume it was not something you did capriciously. When you say the divorce was not civil and kept private, are you speaking legally, or emotionally? Because if you don't have a legal, civil divorce decree, you need to get one right away. As far as keeping it private, does that mean no one knows about it except your immediate family? If that is the case, start spreading the word! Friends, neighbors, and extended family all need to know the reality of your legal, emotional, and social status. I assume that your relationship with your parents has always been difficult and that this recent behavior is just another expression of that. What about your siblings? Do you have any good connections with them? What about aunts and uncles? Could you get some nurturing and support from them? If your family is not workable, then you need to start creating a new family of friends, with new holiday traditions, for you and your children. I strongly advise you to get some further counseling on this situation. It is so painful and emotionally laden that it would be really helpful to get an objective perspective on it. Finally, why don't YOU invite your family to over first? Have you told them how their favoritism makes you feel? These and many other questions remain for you to explore with someone supportive. I really wish you the best as you deal with this very primal and painful situation. Other Recent Questions: Dealing with emotions after a divorce I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.