Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Perfectionist Tendencies Question: I think I may be too much of a perfectionist. I drive myself crazy trying to make sure everything is always done correctly at work and at home. I think I probably put too much stress on myself. Any suggestions? - Tina Answer: If you are driving yourself crazy, you ARE too much of a perfectionist! You haven't told me much about your situation, but here are a couple of things to take a look at: Is your boss or your domestic partner critical, demanding, or demeaning of you? If so, did your "perfectionism" really blossom when you met them? Or have you been a perfectionist all your life? Are your parents like that? Is there an emotional issue with a family member or significant other that is on your mind? I ask these questions because perfectionism is generally driven by anxiety and by a deep feeling that we are not good enough the way we are. Sometimes we learn in our families to be driven and overly demanding of ourselves, or sometimes a significant person in our lives who is emotionally abusive can trigger feelings of anxiety or unworthiness. Also, if you are avoiding emotional pain, you can develop anxiety and compulsiveness in other areas of life. Try these techniques, and if they don't help quickly and significantly, a few sessions with a counselor should be your next step. Examine what you are afraid of if things are not perfect. Will someone reject you? Would everyone laugh at you? Would you lose your job? Identify your "fantasy fear." Try to do something deliberately wrong, and let someone find out about it! See what their reaction is, and see if it is as bad as what you fear. (It won't be, but you need to prove it to yourself). It doesn't have to be anything big - you could just leave your dirty clothes on the floor all day. Practice stress management. Exercise every day, get a massage, meditate, talk to supportive friends and so on. If you find none of the above helps you significantly, do talk to a professional. He or she can help you get a more correct perspective on yourself and life. Remember, you should enjoy your life and feel content with yourself most of the time - constant struggle is not required! Take care of yourself. Mary Symmes Other Recent Questions: I just started a business, and I can't stop worrying I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.