Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Returning to Work Question: Mary, I've been a stay at home wife and mother longer than most,15 years. When my son was about 3, we suspected he had some special needs, (not communicating etc.) Although it would be years before we got a definitive diagnosois for him, I needed to stay at home with him. I'm glad I did. I spent years getting him the help he needed such as speech therapy, counceling, special ed. classes etc. That became my job in addition to lots of school volunteering. He is 19 years old now and he is in college. I'm very proud of him. He worked very hard to get to this point, we all did. Now it's time for me to let go (somewhat) and get a new "job". Any advice you can give me as to what to look for or what to say to a prospective employer would be of great help. It's funny, I had lots of confidence being my sons advocate all these years and now, I'm suddenly feeling a little scared and unsure to be my own advocate. Thanks, Teresa Answer: You sound like such a strong woman and a good mother! No wonder you are feeling off balance after the years of work you put in on your son. And no wonder you are feeling insecure about moving into another kind of work. I don't know what your job history was before you had your son, but if you were working then, did you like what you were doing? Did it have a future? If not, I would start with one or 2 sessions of vocational testing and career counseling, so you can find work that you will really enjoy. It's amazing what we can overlook about ourselves, and getting another perspective is invaluable. You also need to translate what you did with your son into the skills that were involved. For instance - dealing with his special needs involved an ability to organize, prioritize, focus on details. You negotiated with people and systems for him. You had to be assertive but also friendly and cooperative. And so on. A career counselor can help you a lot with that kind of redefinition. Which of those skills do you enjoy the most? Do you like working with people, or prefer quiet research? What I am really saying here is that it is time for you to focus on yourself now. Reflect on your likes and dislikes and abilities. And most important, realize that you are as important now as your son used to be! If you had the confidence to advocate for him, why aren't you entitled to the same confidence now? If you realize that you see yourself as not good or worthy enough of the same kind of consideration and effort as you gave your son, then you may need to talk with a therapist about your self-esteem. Women do tend to neglect themselves and take care of others, and sometimes negative feelings about themselves lie behind this other-focused or overresponsible behavior. If that is true for you, get help (just as you did for your boy)! So call resources, go to seminars, read books, and talk to experts as needed. There is lots of support out there for women in your position if you look for it. Good luck! Other Recent Questions: I just started a business, and I can't stop worrying I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.