Ask the Expert Dr. Roni Leiderman, Associate Dean at The Family and School Center of Nova Southeastern University, is not only an expert on parenting issues but the working mother of two children. Negotiating with a two-year-old Question: My two-year old is beginning to turn everything into a negotiation, especially bedtime. She is very sensitive and has a sweet personality (most days), so I don't feel comfortable being too harsh with her. Yet, I don't want to be too soft. What's the best way to teach her structure and discipline without dampening her spirit? - Ellen Answer: You are clearly a parent who understands two year olds. Children at this age are searching for independence. They want to do things on their own, are developing language skills at a rapid rate, are beginning to develop friendships, and are clear that everything around them is "mine." Part of your daughter's surge in reasoning and language development results in everything turning into a negotiation. The negotiations might involve anything from what she wants to wear, how her sandwich is cut in half to bedtime routines. The first step is your deciding on what is negotiable and what isn't. Include her in the things that she can control. For instance...ask her what two songs she wants to sing before the lights go out, which story she wants to read with you, what toys she wants in her bed. Then let her make a fun chart with you that she can either draw or paste on pictures from magazines or photos. As evening approaches, she can reference her chart and clearly see what comes next. For example, "You've brushed your teeth, what comes next? Right, now we're going to read a story." This will give her a sense of independence and still maintain a sense of order and consistency. You are sensitive to understand that you want to provide structure and teaching while not "dampening her spirit." Enjoy this wonderful age and maintain your sense of humor! Other recently asked questions • My daughter wants to dress herself but chooses inappropriate clothing. what should I do? • Submit your questions