Ask the Expert Dr. Roni Leiderman, Associate Dean at The Family and School Center of Nova Southeastern University, is not only an expert on parenting issues but the working mother of two children. Making Her Own Decisions Question: My daughter will be 3 soon and she is insisting on wearing dresses. We live in a cold city (its winter in Australia now) and this is leading to arguments, crying and I believe she is genuinely distressed. I have bought thick stockings, winter dresses etc but its just not practical all the time. What can I do? - Alexandra Answer: Three year olds are excited about making their own decisions and sticking to them...even (or particularly!) when you make it clear how unhappy you are with their choices. The years between 2 and 5 are a time when children want to assert their independence and through positive discipline will learn to take responsibility for their behaviors. Dr. Dinkmeyer, in his STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) talks about natural consequences. This refers to a decision that your daughter has made that doesn't require interference from you. In simple terms, your daughter is choosing to wear a dress and the consequence of her choice is that she will feel cold. Keeping in mind that her safety is paramount, if the weather is inclement and you feel that some days it is unhealthy for her to go out in a dress, you can offer her a choice. The choice might include two or three outfits that you feel are appropriate. She may be "genuinely distressed" yet she will soon begin to understand that she does in fact have some control and that as her parent, you need to safeguard her well-being. Reflect her feelings and be clear. "I know you want to wear your red dress. That's not one of your choices. Would you like to wear the blue pants or the orange pants?" Remember that children need to learn how to make good decisions and how to develop independence. Give your daughter opportunities to make her own choices and be flexible when appropriate. Other recently asked questions • My two-year old is beginning to turn everything into a negotiation, especially bedtime. What can I do? • Submit your questions