Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Repressed Anger Question: How do you diagnose Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? What can cause it? I've been married 20 years. In the first 13 years my husband had several affairs, would always deny them and lie, even with proof. He would convince me that I was imagining and I would convince myself he was telling the truth. I stayed for various reasons; religion, family pressure, fear of hurting my children. I eventually built up to stop caring, but inside very angry at myself and him. Things have leveled off, no evidence or signs anymore of infidelity. I have panic attacks, depression, agoraphobia. Could this be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Everyone laughs at me when I suggest this. R. Answer: You have brought up an issue that troubles many women, and you have some classic signs of it! I don't think you are suffering from PTSD, but from repressed anger and rage. Your husband's behavior was understandably very painful for you. But, as you said, you stayed with him for a variety of reasons (most of which seem to be not your own choice). In order to stay with him and have an outwardly calm life, you have stored much of the hurt and anger that his infidelities created in you. People often put feelings away when they are unable to deal with them at the time. The only problem with that is that eventually the pressure of those feelings builds and causes other symptoms. I see this process as analogous to how an abscess is created - an infection is encapsulated by the body but continues to grow until the area is red, swollen, and painful. And just as you would deal with an abscess, so must you deal with your feelings. They must be drained and an antibiotic applied! I heartily recommend that you see a counselor to talk about your feelings (drain the infection) and learn other ways to deal with them (antibiotics). I believe that since women are socialized to not be angry, many of us automatically repress anger (and as often our own needs) as you did. And the redness etc. that result from this emotional abscess are your agoraphobia, depression, and so on. I predict that once you begin talking about your anger, and begin to learn how to express and stand up for yourself, your anxiety and depression will greatly diminish. I hope you will take steps to heal yourself now. Not only will you benefit, but your children will also! Life will become much, much better for you. Good luck.f Other Recent Questions: I can't decide if I should go back to work after I have a baby or not. Any advice? I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.