Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Sadness over not having another child Question: I am 35 1/2 yers old, two children 4 1/2 and 2. I have been married 13 years and have a very good husband. I work four days a week as a litigation attorney, but I am not given any great satisfaction or charge from my work. I think I would like to have another baby. I actually wish I had had the third child a year ago because now that I am 35 I worry about increased negative percentages. My husband does not want another baby. Being 35 and not having another child makes me very very sad. It is very hard for me to accept that I am not going to be the mother of an infant again. It is probably one of the things I do best. How do I cope with this? - Rachel Answer: Let's think first about why you love mothering infants so much. Is it because of their size, helplessness, things like that? Is it because you are home full-time caring for them? Is it because you feel so needed, and so competent at dealing with them? Depending on the answers to these questions you may be able to create similar satisfaction in your life and so lessen the pain you are having about probably not having another baby. For instance, if you like holding and cuddling an infant don't forget your older children! They still need a lot of physical affection, especially at bedtime or if they are stressed for some reason. You could also volunteer at a local hospital or orphanage and just hold babies who get far too little attention and physical contact. My personal favorite baby substitute is a sweet, purring cat. If you have one that likes to be handled you can hold them in the crook of your arm and over your shoulder just like a baby! They are soft, have big eyes, and weigh about the same as a young baby. If you like cats, I seriously suggest one as a partial solution. Perhaps you like the sensation of being able to provide every need for this small, dependent being. Again, you can use some of that "broodiness" with infants in need. You might also want to look at whether the rest of your life is as rewarding as it should be. You say your job is not very satisfying to you - is it time for a change? What else could you do that would give you more satisfaction? Would like to be a children's rights advocate, a guardian at litem? You certainly would be caring for the defenseless in a capacity like that. Or do you need to get our of law altogether and get into an occupation that uses your nurturing side to a greater extent - or that is just more meaningful to you? Another thing to think about is whether taking care of an infant allows you to be home full time. Many women repress the need to be with their children so they won't get behind in their careers, and I wonder if that is the case with you. Do you long for that slower pace, the sweetness of dawdling with your children, of taking physical care of them every day? If you see that in yourself you may want to think about working less or not at all so you can spend more time with your older children. You may want to talk some of these ideas over with a therapist or coach, especially if you see that your intense feelings about infants are related to any unresolved emotional issues in you. And talk this over with your husband as you reflect and make discoveries about yourself. His feedback might be very useful, and comforting to you. Mary Symmes Other Recent Questions: I can't decide if I should go back to work after I have a baby or not. Any advice? I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.