Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Dealing with Stress Question: I work more than my husband and am the primary breadwinner in our family. I am also the primary caretaker (I do all the cleaning, cooking, homework help, put the kids to bed, etc.) I'm really starting to resent the fact that I feel I carry the burden of our family -- both financially and when it comes to raising our two girls. How can I express my feelings to him without having him get angry and defensive? Liz Answer: Liz, I always believe that when there is a relationship problem the first thing we need to do is to look at our part of it. (And that is usually the LAST thing we want to do)! I can certainly understand your resentment - you are behaving as an "overfunctioner", an "overresponsible" partner in the relationship. These roles are very often filled by women who really are not aware of what they are doing until they are so angry and overwhelmed that they can't stand it anymore. I advise you to get some counseling for expert feedback as you struggle with your overresponsibility. Some of the things you need to be thinking about are: Where you developed these patterns. Getting a clear picture of how and why you overfunction so dramatically. Thinking about where in your life you want to begin to make gradual changes. How to handle the anxiety you are going to feel as you become less of an overfunctioner and then begin to feel mean and selfish! Counseling can be so supportive and informative as you begin to work with these very deep emotional patterns! I also suggest that you read "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner. It is a very clear and expert explanation of the issues you are struggling with, and gives lots of case examples. Many women I have suggested this book to have said to me later "You told her about me, didn't you?" Take heart - you are far from alone with these issues and they are very much open to improvement. Get the help you need, you are worth it! Other Recent Questions: I can't decide if I should go back to work after I have a baby or not. Any advice? I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.