Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Dealing with Illness of Loved One Question: My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of weeks ago. I can't seem to stay emotionally stable. I start crying in meetings at work, in my car, while brushing my teeth, etc. How do you cope with an event like this? Sue C. Answer: Dear Sue, I am so sorry to hear about your father's fatal illness. What is happening to you is grief, grief anticipating your father's death. Grief - and death - are among the last taboo subjects in our society, and many people are terribly afraid of death and are embarrassed and ashamed by their grief. But death and grief are natural life processes, and what you are feeling couldn't be more natural for the situation you are in. Are you able to talk with your father and other family members about his death and your feelings? Your father's death will be easier for you if you can clean up unresolved issues with him and let him know how much you love him. It will be easier for him, too. If you can share your grief with the rest of the family, you will all feel more validated and supported. Is your father bedridden, in the hospital, or under Hospice care? It may help you say goodbye to him if you are able to perform some physical service for him, even if it is just to make some special tea for him, or brush his hair. If he is in pain, you may be an advocate for him getting quick and appropriate relief. I think it would be very helpful for you to see if your local Hospice provides any support groups for people in your position, and go to them. Also get whatever literature they may have. Ask your father what he would like you to do for him - fresh flowers, music and a CD player, help planning the funeral? Try to keep yourself as healthy as you can. Get good sleep, eat well, and try to exercise. You, too, can ask for help from friends, family, or professionals as you go through your father's dying. People often want to help but don't know what to do for you - tell them. There is a book called "Start the Conversation" by Ganga Stone which might be helpful to you, as well as any number of other excellent ones about death and bereavement. Finally, let yourself be where you are. Acute grief can last for several months, often coming in unexpected waves. The first holidays and anniversaries will be difficult, but you will get through all this. Don't try to minimize or avoid your grief, talk with others, and do what you can for your father while he is still alive. My heart goes out to you as you cope with this very painful loss. Other Recent Questions: I'm overwhelmed with the stress of caring for my parents and child I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.