Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Getting Help at Home Question: I've been married for 10 years and have two kids. My husband and I both work full-time. And I feel like I am always the one having to take care of family responsibilities. My husband helps when I ask him to ... but he never volunteers to make dinner, or do the laundry or take the kids to their weekend activities. How can I get him to be more involved at home? Lydia/i> Answer: This issue is a common one in couples, but it is easily solved by a change in YOUR behavior! Maybe that is not what you wanted or expected to hear, but it is really true. It seems to me that you are expecting your husband to have the same motivations, commitments, and goals that you do as far as his involvement at home, and you have been invested in getting him to change, and to be the same as you. Well, he won't! His values and behavior are clearly different than yours. So rather than fretting because he doesn't volunteer, think about these ideas. 1. Ask him if he would perform certain responsibilities regularly - take them over - so you don't have to ask him to do them. And also ask him what he would prefer to do - so you are not in the position of a nagging mother! 2. Tell him what jobs are most important to you, and that you are feeling too much of the burden. (Don't blame him for not participating more, just tell him how you feel). He needs to know your values and needs around the household stuff. 3. It is my belief that no adult human should do another adult's laundry, pick up after them, do their errands, etc. Unless you can work out an equitable way to do "life maintenance" work for each other, have each person do his or her own. 4. Read "The Dance of Anger". It is a wonderful book about overfunctioning women. You will learn how to minimize your resentments by calmly defining yourself and being able to withstand the resulting reactions without sabotaging yourself. To change this kind of situation you need to be non-blaming and self-focused. Think about getting some counseling to support you as you begin to change the dynamics in your family. It could really help! Other Recent Questions: I can't decide if I should go back to work after I have a baby or not. Any advice? I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.