Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Partner's Family Comes First Question: My fiance's father died 2 months ago. He is an only child, and now he feels completely responsible for his mother. We are both 3rd year law students, and looking for jobs. He will not even consider looking for job in another town, for fear of abandoning his mother. He is absolutely putting his mother first in all of our decisions, even to the detriment of us. I am trying to be understanding of the situation, but it is getting to the point where I cannot take much more. What should I do? Ra'Chelle Answer: I think it is important for you to remember that your fiance is still in the very beginning of his grief process. He is also bearing a lot of stress by virtue of being in law school and looking for a job - so he has 2 major life transitions going on at the same time. Anyone would be overwhelmed and cling to old relationships and behaviors under the circumstances. This is your first opportunity to practice patience and give him support without having all your needs met for now. This is also sometimes what marriage is about, and if you are feeling very alienated from him now I think you should think long and hard about whether you should marry him. It is true that he is not only concerned about abandoning his mother during a time of pain and upheaval for her, but he also wants his mother close by for his own needs now. Assuming his relationships with his parents are reasonably healthy, you might be glad that he is so attached to his mother, since that probably means that he likes women and is comfortable relating to them. In addition, major losses and traumas often throw people temporarily back into a previous developmental stage, so I'm sure he may be feeling more dependent right now of his mom. I suggest you get some information on grief and grieving - there are any number of good books out there. Neither expect nor demand that he make any major decisions for at least 6 months, and preferably a year. Isn't there a temporary measure each of you can take in regard to a job? You may want to talk to an objective third party about your frustration and resentment toward him now, and check out what your feelings may be telling you about the relationship. Always remember, you can't expect other people to make you happy or give meaning to your life - you have to do that yourself, all the time, every time. Good luck. Other Recent Questions: I'm overwhelmed with the stress of caring for my parents and child I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.