Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Spouse is out of work Question: My husband got laid off two months ago and hasn't been able to find a new job. This situation has caused a lot of stress in our relationship. Part of me thinks perhaps he isn't trying hard enough and I think these feelings show. It's making both of us miserable. I'm stressed about our finances and I think being out of work is starting to erode his self-confidence. Do you have any advice for how to overcome my fears and frustration and be more supportive of him? Anne Answer: Getting laid off is tremendously stressful for everyone, and your reactions are not all unusual. But it is important, as you obviously know, to be supportive of your husband at a time when his self-esteem and confidence may be shaken. Have you talked openly with him about your fears? Sometimes just saying that you are worried is enough to relieve your mind, and to open communication with the other person. You might follow that comment up by asking him if you can be of any help to him in his job search, or suggest that a coach or headhunter might be helpful. If he is defensive at all about your comments (and I don't think you should share that you don't think he is trying hard enough), remind him that you are not criticising, just trying to share and to be of help. Second, either you alone or you and he might want to sit down and look at your finances. Seeing concretely how much money you do have, how much you need, when you will run out, what expenses you can cut temporarily, and so on will give you both more of a sense of control in this situation. You may well find out that your situation is better than your "fantasy fears" are telling you. If finances are pressing, he might consider taking some kind of temporary parttime job just to keep some money coming in. It would be good for him to do something besides look for work, too. Think about how you would ideally like to be treated and supported in a situation like his. Approach him in a problem-solving, partnership way, rather than in any kind of blaming or judging way. Highlight his skills and strong points, in case he has lost his perspective. Acknowledge the part of you that is anxious and reactive because of your own issues and expectations, rather than because of the reality of the situation. Finally, it is HARD to look for work, especially when you have nothing else to do. Acknowledge that for him. Listen to him vent, if he wants to and if it would be helpful for him. Some men have issues with being "weak" or out of control, and have a hard time talking about being scared or uncertain. Repressing all those feelings takes up a lot of energy which he could release by talking about his feelings. Then he would have more for the job search! I hope you find some of these ideas helpful. Remember, it's not so much the stresses we face in life that cause us problems as it is the way we react to them. Best wishes, Mary Other Recent Questions: I'm overwhelmed with the stress of caring for my parents and child I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.