Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Dealing with Self-Doubt Question: I'm fairly successful in my career, yet I always have doubts about my worth. I have a hard time accepting praise or letting others know about my accomplishments. And in general have issues with self-esteem. What's the best way to overcome this? - Linda Answer: So many people share this issue with you! I sometimes wonder whether the most successful people suffer from it more than less successful people. What you are talking about is a very deep, primal notion that you are not o.k. This belief and the feelings that accompany it have a basis in the unconscious mind and were formed when you were very young, maybe even at a preverbal level. Since children are naturally very egocentric and have no knowledge of the world other than what happens in the family, they interpret even inadvertent language or behavior by their parents as being caused by/having to do with them. Thus they can internalize deeply negative beliefs about themselves without the parents having meant to convey that at all. Some schools of thought refer to the damage done to the psyche in these early years as narcissistic injuries. A good book to read about this kind of struggle is "The Drama of The Gifted Child" by Alice Miller. Some people find it pretty heavy and hard to understand, though, and there are many other books out there on self-esteem, perfectionism, and the kind of nagging self-doubt you describe. There is no easy solution to this problem because it is a) so deep-seated and b) so irrational. As I am sure you know, logically reminding yourself of how competent and successful you in reality are does not help in letting go of these negative beliefs. I think it is really vital to try to "reprogram" your brain through a long-term relationship with a skilled therapist who can help you replace the self-critical thinking with realistic and positive thinking. I encourage you to look for one you feel deeply comfortable with so you can begin this important and deeply rewarding work. Another book you might find helpful is "A General Theory of Love" This book, which was written by psychiatrists, talks about how our brains are patterned and how to "reprogram" them in elegant and deeply compassionate terms. For immediate self-help, you might want to try creating deeply meaningful affirmations for yourself and repeat them regularly during the day. Looking into a mirror as you say them can add a lot of emotional power to them. One client of mine who was a very unnurtured child and was suicidal came up with one that was the absolute opposite of the feelings inside her: I am glad I was born and am happy to be alive. You can see from that affirmation how fundamental and destructive her negative beliefs were. I hope some of this information will be helpful to you and wish you the very best on your journey. Let me know how you are doing! Mary Symmes Other Recent Questions: Dealing with difficult co-worker I just started a business, and I can't stop worrying I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.