Emotional Wellness Mary Symmes is the founder of Self Investment Strategies and a life coach devoted to the empowerment of working women. Mary is also a clinical social worker in Alexandria, Va. Visit her Web site at SelfInvestmentStrategies.com Dealing with Illness of Loved One Question: My husband has been diagnosed with cancer. He's only 50 and I'm 40 with two children ages 11 and 14. I am an HR manager at a textile company which demands much of my time. My husband is presently undergoing chemo treatments at the present time. My question/concern is that I'm throwing myself into my work. He's handling things quite, well and is feeling pretty good. I want to be with him as much as I can on his hospital visits, doctor's visits etc, however feel that I'm being pulled between time with the children, time with my elderly mother, (my father passed away about 4 weeks ago) and work. I do not want to "take advantage" by taking to much time from work, because if the worse does come into play, (my husand dies), I want to make sure I have time with the children to cope. It's a perfect case of wanting to divide myself into 14 different parts! Kim Answer: I'm very sorry to hear about your husband's illness. Combined with your Father's recent death and your Mother's grief (not to mention your own), you are MEGA-stressed. The first thing I would suggest is to ask each family what they want from you during this difficult time. See if you can hook your mother up with a widow's or general bereavement support group. Ask her friends to see her often. Make sure your husband at least looks into a cancer support group. Statistics show that patients who use these groups live longer than those who don't, regardless of prognosis. How serious is your husband's illness? Is his death a real possibility - or probability? If so, find someone to talk to about your fears, plans, and grief. You and he need to be talking to each other A LOT. If - God forbid - he does die, does he have enough life insurance to help you through perhaps a month or two of not working and being with your children? Then you wouldn't need to worry so much about missing work now. You may be trying to avoid your grief and anxiety by "numbing out" with work. This behavior is very common and can be dealt with, but you need to find out if that is what you are doing and get help to deal with your feelings if so. Contact the American Cancer Society and see what type of support they have in your area, or where they can refer you. Indulge in whole-family group hugs. Make sure you get enough sleep and eat right. Use exercise to relieve stress. And talk and let others talk. There is lots of help out there, and I hope you will use it. I certainly wish you - and your husband - the very best for the future. Other Recent Questions: I'm overwhelmed with the stress of caring for my parents and child I'm worried that my husband may be having an affair. How can I find out? Ask Mary your questions The above is for general information only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health treatment. Individuals should consult licensed professionals as needed.