Ask the Expert Dr. Roni Leiderman, Associate Dean at The Family and School Center of Nova Southeastern University, is not only an expert on parenting issues but the working mother of two children. Empty threats of discipline Question: My husband seems to think threatening our three year old daughter is the best way to get her to obey. Whether it is that she can’t have dessert or she has to get out of the pool for an inappropriate behavior, he counts to five and says if she doesn’t obey by 5, the punishment is going to be enforced. Problem is that he normally caves and doesn’t follow through. I think my daughter has caught on to his empty threats. How can I correct this cycle before it gets out of hand. - Leila. Answer: Leila, You are so right regarding children, even as young as 3, understanding the concept of undelivered threats. Discipline is about teaching our children and about them learning self-control and developing appropriate behaviors. When we threaten our children, we often instill fear and anger. Although threats and punishing may yield short term effects, they do not, in the long term, teach our children what we really want them to learn, namely cooperation, kindness, responsibility and self-discipline. Don Dinkmeyer, Ph.D. has an effective approach to discipline that is used in his program STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting). He spells out the word DISCIPLINE to explain some simple ways to approach difficult situations: Distract your child if possible Ignore misbehavior when appropriate Structure the environment Control the situation, not the child Involve the child through choices and consequences Plan time for loving interactions Let go by letting your child handle age appropriate challenges Increase your consistency Notice positive behavior Exclude the child with a time-out as a last resort. Consider taking a parenting class with your husband. It's an informative and fun way to learn discipline strategies and dialogue with other parents. The Family Center in South Florida offers STEP as a 6 week (once a week) program. Please call 954-262-6900 for information. Other recently asked questions • My two-year old is beginning to turn everything into a negotiation, especially bedtime. What can I do? • I will be giving birth to my second child in a few months and my co-workers keep making comments that make me uncomfortable. What should I do? • Submit your questions