Ask the Expert Dr. Roni Leiderman, Associate Dean at The Family and School Center of Nova Southeastern University, is not only an expert on parenting issues but the working mother of two children. Problems with Grades Question: My son is 9 years old. He has always had very good grades, but at the end of last year (3rd grade) it was very difficult to make him do his homework and his grades were failing. How can we give him more motivation to do as well as we know he can do and keep the peace in our house (it has always been hard to make him do his homework and we have to yell and push for him to do it, the difference is that before he had good grades). - Lucie D. Answer: You are wise to make some decisions about your approach to your son's responsibilities with school before the new year begins. As you have described, children, as with adults, do not respond positively to yelling and nagging. The motivation you want your son to develop can be encouraged by you but ultimately is up to him. Firstly, I would encourage you to make sure that his failing grades are not due to a learning challenge. As children get older, the pressures at school and the subject material gets more difficult. Arrange for a conference with your child's guidance counselor before school begins to discuss your concerns. Some questions might be: Have there been significant changes in his grades when new material was introduced? Are there certain subjects that seem more difficult? Does he have a hard time with timed tests? With this information, you can support your child's learning and let his new teacher understand the best approaches to teaching him. Utilize these last weeks before school begins to his advantage. During the summer, children tend to stay up later and have more unstructured time. Support his transition back to school by dong a number of things. Gradually help him return to a schedule that is more consistent with his school routine. Slowly adjust his bedtime, eat breakfast before the TV or computer is turned on, give clear responsibilities regarding chores, help him with time management and organizational skill building. Take advantage of open houses that are offered at your son's school. Let him meet his teacher and classmates so he feels prepared and ready to start the new year. Motivation is something that comes from within. Help facilitate this by encouraging your son when he is successful. The focus needs to be on skill building, rather than on correcting and cajoling. Recognize that his style of learning and task accomplishment might look very different than yours. Offer choices when appropriate. Instead of yelling, "I said no TV until you finish your work!", try saying, "You need to finish your work before you go to bed. Are you going to turn the TV off now or would you prefer to watch 5 more minutes." The choice becomes his. And the 5 extra minutes will seem allot longer when you are arguing with him! Make him responsible for his actions. Offer logical consequences. For instance, if he hasn't' finished his work before dinner, as agreed upon, calmly remind him that he won't be joining the rest of the family on their excursion to the restaurant. The consequences, of course, of not turning in work to his teacher will be handled in school. The key is to find and encourage the positive. Through his personal accomplishments, your son will feel confident and competent and naturally want to excel. If you feel that your son's problems with school are more involved, please seek professional counseling with a child psychologist or your school's counselor. More ideas for managing homework time Other recently asked questions • My two-year old is beginning to turn everything into a negotiation, especially bedtime. What can I do? • I will be giving birth to my second child in a few months and my co-workers keep making comments that make me uncomfortable. What should I do? • Submit your questions