Ask the Expert Dr. Roni Leiderman, Associate Dean at The Family and School Center of Nova Southeastern University, is not only an expert on parenting issues but the working mother of two children. Disparities of money Question: As a blended family- how do you deal with disparities of money? My children visit their very wealthy physician father who can afford to buy them many material things (ie computers, expensive clothing, etc) and take them on exotic vacations (ski trips, etc). On the other hand, my stepchildren visit us and we cannot afford these extravangances. My stepchildren recognize and are starting to resent the fact that their step siblings (my children) have a lot more materially than they do. - Paula Answer: Paula, Issues surrounding divorce, remarriage and step families are often challenging. While there are many wonderful things that you can do as a family with your stepchildren and with your blended family, the strain of this financial disparity has undoubtedly become a concern. Of course, I would encourage you to find interesting and fun things to do with your stepchildren that make them feel special and valued. That said, reflect their feelings and be honest. Saying, "I understand how disappointed you are" is important and allows your stepchildren to hear that you do, in fact value their feelings. Depending on the age of your children, let them know that you simply cannot afford certain things. Read their cues and offer as much or as little information as they are comfortable with and are capable of understanding. Be sure in your daily life that you emphasize the important things that you value in life. As their most important teachers and models, reflect on your own and your husband's way of dealing with this issue of disparity. Throughout life, we all are confronted with disappointments. Your stepchildren, when offered the opportunity to vent their feelings, feel supported by your responses, and experience the love of your family, will learn important lifelong lessons. Other recently asked questions • My husband seems to think threatening our three year old daughter is the best way to get her to obey. Problem is that he normally caves and doesn’t follow through. How can I stop this? • My two-year old is beginning to turn everything into a negotiation, especially bedtime. What can I do? • Submit your questions