Ask the Expert Dr. Roni Leiderman, Associate Dean at The Family and School Center of Nova Southeastern University, is not only an expert on parenting issues but the working mother of two children. Balancing Act Question: I work from 3 to 11 p.m. Tuesday's through Thursday, and from 2 to 8:30 Friday and Saturday. My husband takes care of our children, ages 6, 4 and 1 and is complaining that I need to get a day time job so that we as a family can be together in the evenings. He thinks the children don't fee secure as a family because I work nights. If the kids are rowdy or cranky, he blames it on me working nights. I think he really just wants to be free of so much responsibility, but he won't admit it. I am a copy editor at a newspaper, and it's the nature of the business for me to work nights. I think if I were a medicdal doctor, he would be more forgiving of my schedule and just grin and bear it. Does working nights hurt my children psychologically? - Leslie Answer: Leslie, It is challenging to balance work and family and there are no easy answers. Having a parent who works during the day or in the evening can be difficult for children and spouses. One of the keys to working out this situation is support from other family members. Children thrive when they are nurtured in a safe and predictable environment. Through respectful communication, you and your spouse need to work out the issues relating to parenting responsibilities and work schedules. If your children perceive that either one of you are unhappy and resentful of the current situation, they may become unhappy themselves. Find time to spend with your spouse to talk about the issues relating to your work. Communicate honestly and fairly. Allow him to vent his concerns and feelings, as well. Through the sharing of feelings and the generating of solutions, you will eventually come to reasonable and mutually acceptable ways to handle your employment schedule. Remember that although your children miss you when you are away at work, they are learning about self-reliance, responsibility, family support and flexibility. You might consider taking a parenting class together to help with the discipline concerns you have described. In the meantime, find time to spend with your children doing things as a family as well as doing fun things with each child individually. Create family traditions that are meaningful and enjoyable. If you still have concerns, seek professional guidance from a psychologist or a marital therapist. Other recently asked questions • How do I get kids to share their toys equally? • My two-year old is beginning to turn everything into a negotiation, especially bedtime. What can I do? • More questions • Submit your questions