From a Dad's View David answers your questions Question: I am a very busy working mother(4 month old) both at the office and at home. My fiance is constantly complaining that we don't have enough time together, but then doesn't understand why the house isn't spotless. Although he does help around the house, he cannot breastfeed or get up in the middle of the night with our son because he again has no means of feeding him. How can I explain to him how thin this is wearing me, yet give him some quality time? -Corrie Answer: You are certainly experiencing very real anxiety and body aches. See, one thing men don't usually take into account (or if they do they don't hold the thought very long) is that when a woman "has" a baby she's also just gotten over being host for nine months. That in itself is a drain both physically and mentally. Then, without pause, the mothering begins. That sort of cliche image of how babies love to attach themselves to their mammas, well, it's a fact, as you're experiencing. Those first 6 months are tough because your son can't even roll over by himself yet. Very demanding. So, to get on with an answer . . . you've got a short term problem that could fester into a long term issue. Your son is not a sack of mulch that's been delivered by Home Depot. He's living and breathing and will be there for the rest of your lives. Your fiance should come to terms with the reality that he has a son to care for and a woman and mother to support both emotionally and otherwise. That coveted "time together" that your fiance speaks about is now a scarce commodity. This is the important part. You and your fiance should take some time to discuss your expectations of each other, and as a new family, and then get him to communicate to you what kind of quality time he'd like to provide to his son and how to best accomplish that task. It's always good to have a plan, especially where child care is involved. Middle of the night wake up calls are routine for new parents. In the recent distant past it may have been considered woman's work to get up and feed baby but let's move into the future here. Maybe you'll get more rest and have more energy for your fiance during the daylight hours if you invest in a breast pump. You can rent them. That way your fiance can take the first nighttime feeding with mother's milk from the fridge. He'll learn patience and tolerance. If either of your parents are near, perhaps they could babysit one night a month. That way the two of you could enjoy an evening out, alone and away from the stress of always caring for your son. But the reality of parenthood is that a certain stress is now part of your life. That stress comes from the constant needs of another that you can't just ignore, like we sometimes tend to do in adult relationships. Also, pitch your man on the idea that he should think up a fun night out for the two of you. Even if it means staying in and cooking up a cool dinner with candles and music. Engage him and allow him to solve this age old balancing act, the give and take of life with another. As to household chores, your fiance should pitch in some. Seriously. You did just carry a child to term and now must be on constant call. If he's not quite sure, show him how to work the washer and dryer. It's magic the way those machines make clean, dry clothes appear. And there's a nice loud buzzer that tells when the clothes are ready. Agree that you'll fold the clean clothes, no problem. If you have a dishwasher, show him how to load it and twist the knob so it runs. Wash, wash, rinse--clean dishes. A stretch is to try and have a maid come in once a month, if you can fit that into your budget. Just for a few months to help free up the load. Corrie, hope this helps some. Remember, your fiance was just displaced from being the apple of your eye. Go gently. But with a child in the house, he's got to know that he's just cashed in his ticket to manhood. Other recently asked questions • I think my husband is jealous of my success. What should I do? • My mate and I are not married, I am a woman exec and my mate is a SAHD. How do I explain our situation to others? • I earn more than my partner and I think it bruises his ego. What should I do? David Pereyra is a stay-at-home dad and the other half of a BlueSuitMom.