Ask the Expert Dr. Roni Leiderman, Associate Dean at The Family and School Center of Nova Southeastern University, is not only an expert on parenting issues but the working mother of two children. Different Temperaments Question: My 5 year old son (he will turn 6 in Sept.) is a very active boy. If he is involved in doing something he behaves. When he is bored with an activity he starts to pick on his 3(soon to be 4) brother. They fight constantly. The screaming and then they both get physical. I have never been this stressed out in my life. Summer is coming up and I almost dreaded the 8 weeks. I also have a 7 year old girl who is so easy. Please if you have any suggestions I would appreciate it. - Lisa Answer: Children have different temperaments and activity levels. You have already noticed that within your family! You describe your daughter as "easy" and your 5 year old son as active. This difference will, of course, influence the types of activities they enjoy, the way they respond to challenges, and the way you will be most successful with discipline. In anticipation of a long summer, plan on expending your energy being proactive rather than yelling and feeling frustrated and out of control. When possible, schedule fun family and individual activities with a balance of structure and free play. Notice the boys playing appropriately and comment on it. "You seem to be having so much fun together!" It is far more effective to give attention to your son and reinforce his positive behaviors than to constantly yell about his misbehaviors. Often, we assume that the fault lies with our older children when siblings are fighting. If you continually blame your older son, it can become an even more challenging situation. Be careful not to take sides. If your children are safe, make every attempt to ignore their fighting and encourage them to work things out themselves. What you see as fighting may be active rough-house play that they might actually be enjoying! If you continue to feel tense about the situation and would like support, consider taking a parenting class in the community. A good place to look for classes is at local colleges and universities. For instance in South Florida, The Family Center of Nova Southeastern University offers classes throughout the year. For more information call 954-262-6900. Good Luck, Roni Leiderman Other recently asked questions • How do you handle discipline challenges with step children? • My two-year old is beginning to turn everything into a negotiation, especially bedtime. What should I do? • What age is it appropriate for girls to wear makeup? • Other recent questions • Submit your questions