Family Vacations and Parenting Approaches

By Maria Bailey

As summer approaches, many parents are starting to think about family vacations. Since I've recently taken a Spring Break vacation, I thought a short reflection on vacationing might be timely.

First of all, just so every mother feels bonded to the same issues regarding family vacations let me throw out this question, "Can any child stand in line at an amusement park and not climb on the railing?"

The answer is clearly "no." You didn't when you were a child and our children don't today. I had to laugh while at Disneyland recently as I heard parent after parent tell their children to get off the railing. Everyone says it a little differently but it's the same message. "Johnny, please get off the railing or you will hurt yourself." As the day goes on, the message gets a little harsher, "Johnny, I've told you already to get down off the railing." Sometime after lunch it becomes, "Johnny, do you want the guy to tell you to get down and leave the ride?" And then about dinnertime after 8 hours of over stimulation when both parent and child are tired, the empty threats are dished out. "Johnny, if you climb on that railing one more time, we are going back to the hotel." You and I both know that after paying $200 to get into the park, the last thing we are going to do is walk out without conquering every single ride available. The funny thing is that Johnny realizes this also, and that's why the threat doesn't work. By 7 p.m. Johnny is on the railing and we just don't care anymore. Sound familiar?

Doesn't it just make you want to run out and book that vacation to Disney? The good news is that you aren't alone. As moms, we all essentially deal with the same challenges. What's different is how we react to the situation. It's our different approaches that cause different results in our children. Some are good and others are not so good. Overall, I think we all do the best we can do with the examples our own parents presented to us when we were children.

Isn't it funny, how we either parent like our mothers parented us or we choose to swing all the way in the other direction in our approach to children? I've tried to pick out the best of my mother's qualities to apply to my mothering. I decided this because I once read if you parent your children in the opposite manner that you were parented, then your children will turn out like your mother. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind if my children become a little like my mother, but I've already got one like her in my life and that's enough to keep me busy. She's a very unique mother and I'd like to preserve her uniqueness.

So out of a sense of fear, I decided early on that nothing in excess could be good, so I've tried to tow the middle of the line when raising my children. I'm strict but not too strict. I'm conservative but with room to pick my battles. I'm controlling but not restrictive of allowing them to explore their own interests. I don't know if it's the right approach. I imagine someone has probably done a study on it and there are some research results somewhere but it seems to be okay for our family right now. I think that's the message today in light of a recent study linking day care children to aggressive personalities. We do the best job we can for our children and hope for the best. Lord knows, my son is aggressively competitive and it has nothing to do with day care. He never spent a day in day care but he did spend the last six years around me. Wonder where he got that trait? His teacher brought it to my attention recently. I looked at her and replied, "How can I get upset with him over a behavior he learned from me?" Which leads me to a second thought. Our children are who we are and learn their behaviors to me.

Let's go back to Johnny in line, discontent, disobedient and irritable. I wonder what part of his behavior he learned from his parents? Bet his mom was complaining about waiting in line. In choosing our approach to parenting probably the strategy that few researchers could criticize is this: The better people we strive to be in our behaviors, the better parents we are to our children because they learn from the examples we set. Just remember, they are watching, listening and learning, even when you don't know it.

Share your thoughts on our message board or email Maria.

Also see:
• Week Thirty-Three -- Combining a business trip with spring break
• Week Thirty-Two -- Making Spring Break plans
• Week Thirty-One -- Importance of a Support System
• Week Thirty -- Life is good
• Week Twenty-nine -- My nine year anniversary
• Week Twenty-Eight --Does birth order matter?
• Week Twenty-Seven -- Things we take for granted
• Week Twenty-Six -- My youngest turned two
• Week Twenty-Five -- Losing someone you love
• Week Twenty-Four -- Where's the romance in Valentine's Day?
• Week Twenty-Three -- The call I've been waiting for
• Week Twenty-Two -- Where did the weekend go?
• Week Twenty-One -- Business trip challenges
• Week Twenty -- Girl Scout cookie time
• Week Nineteen -- Thoughts on motherhood
• More diary entries

Maria Bailey is the CEO and founder of BlueSuitMom.com and a mother of four children under the age of seven.