An important lesson from the Houston tragedy: Sometimes mothers need a break

By Maria Bailey

How? Is the first word that came to mind as I watched the news report of Andrea Yates and the murder of her five children in Houston. In the event you missed it, Yates, a 36-year-old mother of five children, ages 6 months to 7 years, allegedly drowned her children yesterday in the bathtub. How could a mother do such a terrible act to her own children? How do you knowing lead a seven-year-old child into the bathroom to drown him? How do you lay your dead children on a bed and cover them with a sheet? The visions that come to mind send a chill down my spine.

The one thing more horrific than the act is the knowledge that this tragedy could have been avoided. Yates was being treated for postpartum depression and social workers had voiced concern over the safety of the children. Unfortunately, the only light in a news story like this one is to find the lesson to be learned from someone else's mistake.

I found an important less for mothers everywhere -- we need to recognize when we require support and help in our jobs as mothers. There are times when I fall into a funk even beyond the regular PMS blues I suffer on the 26th day of the month. I feel like I'm being stretched in a hundred directions, I snap at my husband, yell at the kids and only want to lay on the couch with a quart of Ben & Jerry's New York Chocolate Fudge ice cream. Nothing goes right, there's no Diet Coke in my refrigerator, my fat clothes are tight, every child needs new school shoes, my email won't function correctly and a check bounces. Thankfully, I only go through one of these spells once or twice a year.

Reflecting on these days, I can see where a mother of five might hit rock bottom especially when also suffering from postpartum depression. But I still don't understand how you could kill your children. It is important for us as working mothers to recognize that we will all go through challenging times at some time or another. I think it's only human. Unfortunately as working mothers we are expected to be superhuman. Every now and then our emotions remind us that we are, yes, only human, after all.

Recognizing that our bodies need an occasional rest, it's important to ready your support system for these times. I learned a few years ago that when I'm approaching the funky times, it serves everyone best for me to warn them that mom's hit a wall. Instead of loosing my cool, I simply tell my husband, I need a break. My break might mean I go for a long run or it may be as silly as just being to go grocery shopping without a two year old tagging along. The important part is to recognize that it's not healthy for me to feel bad and it's certainly not healthy for my family to be around me. Whether it takes hiring a sitter for a few hours or sending the kids to a neighbor's house for the night, take the time to get yourself back on track. By recognizing our breaking points, we can avoid the damage we can cause by our uncontrollable words and actions.

Today, I say a prayer for Andrea Yates and her husband. I will also make an effort today to be a better mother in memory of the five small angels that now look down on us.

Share your thoughts on our message board or email Maria.

Also see:
• Week Thirty-Nine -- Summer camps
• Week Thirty-Eight -- The teachers that shape our lives
• Week Thirty-Seven -- Reuniting with old friends
• Week Thirty-Six -- Tips for managing a large family
• Week Thirty-Five --Fulfilling my dreams
• Week Thirty-Four --Parenting approaches
• Week Thirty-Three -- Combining a business trip with spring break
• Week Thirty-Two -- Making Spring Break plans
• Week Thirty-One -- Importance of a Support System
• Week Thirty -- Life is good
• Week Twenty-nine -- My nine year anniversary
• Week Twenty-Eight --Does birth order matter?
• Week Twenty-Seven -- Things we take for granted
• Week Twenty-Six -- My youngest turned two
• Week Twenty-Five -- Losing someone you love
• Week Twenty-Four -- Where's the romance in Valentine's Day?
• Week Twenty-Three -- The call I've been waiting for
• Week Twenty-Two -- Where did the weekend go?
• Week Twenty-One -- Business trip challenges
• Week Twenty -- Girl Scout cookie time
• Week Nineteen -- Thoughts on motherhood
• More diary entries

Maria Bailey is the CEO and founder of BlueSuitMom.com and a mother of four children under the age of seven.