When You Thought They Weren't Looking

By Maria Bailey

Yesterday, my college roommate, Brenda, sent me one of those philosophical essays that get forwarded a million times around the Internet. You know the ones that sometimes make the journey to your email five or six times. Some aren't worth reading but others do provoke a certain level of deep thought. Well, as deep a thought as you can get while sitting at your desk with co-workers yelling down the hall about some PowerPoint presentation due by 4 p.m. today.

Many of the forwarded messages that hit my inbox never get opened. What's funny about these viral messages is that everyone always sends them with a note like, "I never forward these things but this one is good." Seems that everyone is embarrassed to send them but we can't help ourselves to just hit "forward" one more time. So continues the cycle. The message that caught my attention was called "When You Thought I Wasn't Looking" and claimed to by written by a child.

It started out like this...."A message every parent should read, because your children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God. "

You get the idea. It went on and on about all the great things we do as mothers that rub off on to our children. What it was really speaking to is the cycles of behaviors we create in our children. If we give to the poor, chances are our children will develop a sense of caring and perhaps grow up to volunteer for a shelter someday. It is a very important message and one that I have spoken about in past diary entries. But if I were going to deliver the same message, my essay would have read more like this....

"A message every parent should read, because your children are watching you and doing as you do and as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take two newspapers out of the newsstand when you only paid for one.

When you thought I wasn't listening, I heard you complain about your weight. Now I worry about mine although I'm only ten.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you throw your work clothes on the floor even though you tell me to pick up my room everyday.

When you thought I wasn't listening, I heard you complain to dad about your job and tell him how much you hate working. Does that mean I don't have to like school?

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you yell at the meter maid for giving you a ticket when you let the time run out in our parking space.

When you thought I wasn't listening, I heard you express road rage because some old man was driving too slow."

I think you probably get my point. We work so hard to change behaviors in our children but what we refuse to see is that the source of many of these behaviors are found in ourselves. I am not innocent. I discipline my children for taking care of their toys and then I neglect to clean out my car or leave my gym bag laying in the living room. I worry that my daughter will get caught up in weight issues but then I catch myself complaining about my fat thighs or binge on Oreos in front of her. Children are not born knowing the definition of overweight, poverty or caring. We teach it to them through our words and actions. The best way to change our children's behaviors is to work on ourselves first.

I'm glad Brenda sent me that message. It helped me focus on all the things I'm not doing like praising my body, controlling my patience and saving my allowance. Thanks Brenda.

Share your thoughts on our message board or email Maria.

Also see:
• Week Forty-Five --The end of summer: school begins
• Week Forty-Four --Two funerals and a wedding
• Week Forty-Three -- Surviving the summer vacation
• Week Forty-Two -- Seeing the world through a child's eye
• Week Forty-One -- Re-living single days teaches the importance of family
• Week Forty -- Sometimes we need a break
• Week Thirty-Nine -- Summer camps
• Week Thirty-Eight -- The teachers that shape our lives
• Week Thirty-Seven -- Reuniting with old friends
• Week Thirty-Six -- Tips for managing a large family
• Week Thirty-Five --Fulfilling my dreams
• Week Thirty-Four --Parenting approaches
• Week Thirty-Three -- Combining a business trip with spring break
• Week Thirty-Two -- Making Spring Break plans
• Week Thirty-One -- Importance of a Support System
• Week Thirty -- Life is good
• Week Twenty-nine -- My nine year anniversary
• Week Twenty-Eight --Does birth order matter?
• Week Twenty-Seven -- Things we take for granted
• Week Twenty-Six -- My youngest turned two
• Week Twenty-Five -- Losing someone you love
• Week Twenty-Four -- Where's the romance in Valentine's Day?
• Week Twenty-Three -- The call I've been waiting for
• Week Twenty-Two -- Where did the weekend go?
• Week Twenty-One -- Business trip challenges
• Week Twenty -- Girl Scout cookie time
• Week Nineteen -- Thoughts on motherhood
• More diary entries

Maria Bailey is the CEO and founder of BlueSuitMom.com and a mother of four children under the age of seven.